Settle – No Compromise – Who Knows!
Interesting ….as a 42 year old female (I know I look so much younger) I would have to say yes, my life, my thoughts, my interests, friends, wants, needs and desires have all changed over the last couple of years. I know I have had my Shirley Valentine moment in terms of finding my identity finally but you know what …even that was a disappointment. Not sure lazing by the beach with a Pina Colada in Tobago was the same as having a table by the sea with red wine in Greece, but hey! I figured that this was the closest I was going to get, so seize the opportunity while it was there- my compromise! [ Read: Overcome The Fear of Ignorance and Focus on Career]
Seizing opportunities, taking chances, exploring new pathways as they present themselves is what we should do more of, wherever it might take us. In relationships this is especially true because if you never know and you never compromise you might just end up settling.
When you are young and less burdened with the challenges of life, dating and choosing a partner for some is as easy as walking into a sweet shop with a pocketful of change; you have lots of choices and the opportunity to keep going back and making another selection. However, as you get older frequent trips to the sweet shop takes up time and effort and once at the counter the chances are that all you will find are hard boiled sweets and liquorice sticks – when what you actually want is a chocolate éclair or a green triangle. [ Read: Commitment Maniac: Signs To Tell For Sure ]
So the question is, do we settle for what’s on display or do we come back another time and hope that the shelves have been re-stocked?
For a large majority, unfortunately settling for what’s on offer is a default mode, because it’s easier. I don’t know, it’s quite sad that some women and men feel their sell buy date has expired and they settle. Instead of evaluating their options they take the liquorice stick, in fear that if all the sweets are taken they themselves might be ‘left on the shelf’!
I know people that have settled for many years, partner, children, good lifestyle….until one day they wake up and realize that for all those years they haven’t lived, they have just existed. They have been pulled along on the treadmill of life. I also know people that have come out of ‘settling’ relationships and they feel stronger, more confident and to an extent liberated. These are the ones that will walk into the sweet shop, try the liquorice – maybe out of curiosity because it’s different to their usual, decide ‘actually no’ not for me and come back another time. Over a period of trips they may never find the chocolate éclair or green triangle but with this new self-confidence and lust for adventure they might try and actually like the chilli chocolate bar instead. [ Read: You make me Happy! You make our Family Happy.]
It can be difficult, especially as you get older to find somebody who wants a relationship and has no hang-ups, no baggage, no insecurities, no complications, and no partner! So it gets to the point where you might want to consider a compromise. Yes you could wait until Mr or Miss tick-box perfect comes along, however that could take months, years maybe the rest of your life searching. Having an ideal green triangle is great, but by not moving out of your palette range you could very easily overlook the shiny wrapped sweet that is labelled ‘eat me’!
Compromise isn’t about second choice, it’s about challenging your own ideals and having the will to look beyond a given set or known entity. If you’ve always dated a certain type of guy ask yourself why? If you never date brunettes, why not start? If you only date within a certain social status, intelligence level, height, weight or age parameter ……why? Compromise is about opening your mind to endless possibilities and unchartered territories. Your ideal partner might be waiting at work, in your local bar/restaurant even the supermarket and you’ve never noticed them because you have never been prepared to compromise. [ Read: LDR – Long Distance Relationship Essentials ]
It’s not even about compromising your standards; it’s about climbing a little way down the ivory tower and making yourself more accessible. At 40+ men and women are in an ideal position, they know their own minds and feel comfortable in their skin. Some have come out of settling relationships and are now stronger and more self-confident; others are following a pathway of self-discovery and for the first time ever are starting to love themselves. Successful in their own right whether it is professionally, socially and/or wearing the badge that says ‘I’m an awesome parent’!
So, just for me as an inherent romantic – open your eyes and mind and actually take a look at the options available to you. Don’t restrict yourself ….maybe compromise, because you never know your ideal partner could be there waiting and because they’re not the green triangle you would never know! [ Read: There is No Harm in Having SEX On First Date ]
Compromise is about opening your mind to new opportunities, following different pathways and possibly stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something that isn’t to your usual taste, but adds a certain spice to your weekly menu.
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